i have come to realize life is all about choices.  i read somewhere about how everyone can tell the future.  the future is made up of nothing but the choices we make.  some people are just more in tune to it then others.  so i made a choice as a teenager to sell drugs and then continued into my adulthood.  my choice.  i also have worked since a teenager.  since i was 16 i have always had a job.  graduated high school. decided against college.  got a job in a call center handling collections for AT&T.  been working in call centers ever since.  from MCI to Resurgent Capital to a place called Level One. along the way i chose to still sell drugs.  more of a hobby than a career. a business decision.  cheaper to buy weed in bulk and sell it if i was smoking it too.  not right or wrong.  just my thoughts on the matter.  i consider myself a smart person.  i look at both sides before i make most decisions.  not all but most.  so long story short.  i get caught.  went thru this so called "justice system" and am now paying for my actions.  i am not trying to blame anyone.  not my environment, background, or government.  i made the decision.  i am prepared to deal with the consequences.  here is my only issue.
                
                    my sentence was 5 years in prison suspended to 2 years probation.  my first offence so i consider myself more fortunate then most.  lost my job at Resurgent.  somehow after i gave them 5 years of service.  after 2 promotions up thru management they decided myself and 4 of my friends were talking to much thru our e-mails and fired all of us. so now here comes the hard part.  finding another job.  whenever i have an interview we discuss my felony and i am immediately somehow no longer qualified to work for them.  my 8 years of call center/ customer service experiance is now somehow invalid.  i go try to apply for some college courses and becouse i have a criminal record i am not qualified to take the classes.  so now what am i supposed to do?  what about the other thousands of people who have criminal charges that are not high level offenses.  are we to revert to what placed us in this position to start with?  just becouse we have commited a crime it does not make us criminal.  how long must i suffer before society decides i am worthy to hold a job that can actually support a family.  you really expect me to raise a child and support my woman on $7.00/hr.  

                    to add fuel to my fire i am watching MSNBC and they have an entire show on certain neighborhoods where selling weed is there new "cash crop".  these people arent being placed in jail.  why was i?  anyway.  this is just my thought process on the matter.  i will keep pushing.  like my man Lupe said "that case in court didnt defer my dreams, i am still a raisan in the sun"